Worst Intro Ever

This may be my finest work to date. This post is in response to this awesome post about the Word Master Challenge for January which goes as such:

How Not to Write a Novel Beginning.

In less than 300 words, I want to see your idea of the WORST beginning you can possibly write. The funnier and more creative you are, the better.

So I took it upon myself to make something truly abhorent. The result is as follows:

It was a warm day on Earth, but this isn’t Earth so there. It’s cold here and Bob was mad then jim showed up and shot at Bob with his super cool arm cannon thingy. Oh yeah, Jim’s a robot or something sweet like that.
Bob jumped like wicked high and totally dodged the blast as the snow started except it was snowing up from the ground. Weird right? Except not cuz this isn’t Earth remember.
Now some space men show up and attack because they want to win or something so Bob and Jim decide to work together so the space men don’t get to win at all. They kill all the space guys and Jim activates his rockets and flies to a space station nearby. The space station is totally cool looking and can fly around and blast stuff like whoosh and fa-pow!
So now Jim and Bob are on this super cool space station thingy and now they are mad at each other again but Bob totally whoops on Jim and kills him dead then Jim is all like oh wait I knew your dad and I could have taken you to him. Bob was an orphan btw. Now bob is all sad and stuff because Jim is gone and he has no idea what to do and that sucks except now he has to go get ready to find out the mystery of the space station because it’s haunted but he doesn’t know that.
Bob now puts on some super cool sunglasses and walks around like a total boss but he isn’t. then the ship blows up.
Bob is fine.